How to Create Boundaries for Safety, Connection and Growth with your OTTB

Whenever "boundaries" come up in a sessions I usually hear them accompanied with the following sentiments:

"I feel bad when I set a boundary and say no"

"I'm afraid my horse won't still love me if I say no"

"Dominance-submission doesn't feel good to me"

"I don't fee like my horse respects me or my space"

"I don't know how to set boundaries in a way that doesn't feel fueled by frustration"

The last one I think we can all relate to.

Usually by the time we set a boundary with our horse, it's after they've pushed us so far that we can only react with frustration and anger because we either don't feel safe or are so annoyed.

Maybe up until that point our boundary hasn't been clear enough and we feel like our horse isn't getting the message and we are nagging them to stay out of our space; it's a repetitive pattern.

Well, I'm hear to tell you there is a way to set boundaries that feels GOOD for both you and your horse and without strong emotions or additional equipment (sticks, whips, flags, etc.).

What are Boundaries?

Probably most importantly to establish is that boundaries are "no"s. They are ways of communicating with another being how do you do not want to be interacted.

What boundaries create though are BRIDGES.

Bridges are the space where we say YES to how we wish to be interacted with and treated.

(The same goes with humans by the way).

When we set a boundary, we help the other party learn how we DO want to be interacted with and close off how we DO NOT want to be interacted with.

With our horses (and arguably with humans too) boundaries create the framework for safety, connection, and growth.

No one will set your boundaries for you though. Only you can decide the space you wish to hold and how you wish to be interacted with.

Here are three steps to follow for how to build your partnership through boundaries:

Step 1: Get clear on WHAT your boundaries

In order to set boundaries for our horses we need to get clear on exactly what our boundaries are. These are personal to you, but there are some that are universal and every horse ought to know. Here are three types of boundaries to consider:

1. Spatial boundaries: These are the spaces your horse can occupy in relationship to you and what spaces they cannot.

   1. For example, You don't want your horses shoulder always touching you for fear of them accidentally stepping on your feet, but you feel comfortable if they are an arms width apart.

2. Touch Boundaries: These are ways that you are comfortable being interacted with by your horse and what interactions that will not make you feel safe.

   1. For example, you are ok if your horse nuzzles your hand but you are not ok with them touching their mouth to your face or hair.

3. Emotional boundaries: Emotional boundaries refer to the type of energy you or your horse feels comfortable with in their space.

   1. For example, if your horse is panicking you probably will not feel as comfortable with them in your personal space. Vice versa, if you are very angry from a barn dispute earlier and walk up to your horse, your horse might choose to not interact with you due to the negative energy your putting off; they're setting a boundary for interactions.

      
      

One of the fastest ways to identify where your boundaries are to think about situations in which they were violated or you were made uncomfortable.

You do not owe any one an explanation for your boundaries, and your boundaries are allowed to be different than someone else's.

Step 2: How to Set Boundaries

There is a law of thermodynamics that states,

"every reaction has an equal and opposite reaction"

This is the law of nature I use when establishing boundaries.

What do I mean?

What I mean is the energy at which your horse crosses the boundary (ie tries to eat cookies out of your pocket) matches the energy with which we should set the boundary.

I like to think about it on a scale of 1 to 10.

At a 1 your horse is very low energy with their "try" in whatever their intention is.

at a 10 your horse has all of there attention and energy in whatever their intention is.

Unless a horse is in a fear state or it's food motivated, most of the time their intentions are between a 3 and 6.

This means, that when you set a boundary the amount of energy you use should reflect the amount of energy they are applying in their intention.

The boundaries you set should be clear, assertive, and brief. The moment your horse lets go of the intention you said "no" to, is the moment you release your boundary reminder.

Step 3: Action Steps for Setting Boundaries

Now that we know the "What" and the "Why" it's time to look at the how.

I personally don't carry a flag, stick or whip around with me everywhere I go so the only tool that I'll use, if necessary, to convey a boundary is the lead rope.

When setting boundaries I think of the following progression.

1. Shift in Body Language: At the first sign your horse's intentions will cross a boundary our body language should shift. We shift from calm, connective, relaxation to alert, attention. Your horse might not be in-tune to this shift at first but it is a switch they know from interactions with other herd-mates (watch any lead mare and you'll see it). As your continue to set a clear boundary, your horse will let go of their intentions on this simple shift in yours.

2. Don't initiate contact: Next step is to use the tip of your lead rope to create a spatial boundary. I don't like to use direction constant pressure on the halter or with my hand to push their head or shoulders out of our space because we cannot ask for space if we need contact to ask for space, does that make sense? Use the lead rope in a sweeping or windmill fashion and keep the frequency consistent (like a pendulum).

3. Match their energy: We ask for space in the frequency with which our horse is pushing our boundaries. If our horse is pushing at a 4, then we respond at a 3 then 4 then 5 if they're really sure the boundary is flexible.

4. Don't focus on the head: When asking for space, look at the front feet or chest or shoulder, not the head. Horse's are less offended when we ask the chest back versus directing our energy at their head. We want the chest shoulders and front feet to move out of our space, the head will follow.

In the beginning, you will notice your horse "has your number" and leans against your boundary. That is because it's worked for them in the past. You will have some friction in the beginning but start to notice changes as your horse responds to your now, solid, respectful boundaries.

Final TIPS

Some things to think about are:

Can you set the boundary with a smile?

Does the boundary feel fair, reasonable, and possible?

Does your horse still wish to "connect" with you after you've set the boundary?

Does setting the boundary spiral into other undesirable behaviors?

Would you like a FREE Webinar Demonstration of how to set boundaries that build partnership?

Because I'm so passionate about giving horse lovers the tools for a vibrant partnership, I'm coming out with a free webinar demonstrating how to set kind boundaries. It will be complete Free to you, no strings attached.

Webinar: Boundaries through Partnership:

Setting the Framework for Safety, Connection, and Growth

If you wish to learn more and receive a notification when this is released, follow on social media (@aurora.equines on IG) and subscribe to the website email list.

This should be rolling out Jun of 2025!

Stay curious and happy partnerships!

FREE OTTB Resources you might like:

"Why is my OTTB so Mouthy? More than a bad habit"

"Understanding OTTB Bit and Contact Problems and a Roadmap to fix them"

"The complete 90 day guide to restarting your OTTB with simple, easy to follow steps for a thriving partnership and harmonious pursuit of your equine goals."

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